White coat. Heels.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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