Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
