porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
