you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
