So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
