ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize