Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
