after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
