Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
