he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
high people should be assigned attendants
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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