Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
