I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
