and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
