Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
