Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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