don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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