If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
