We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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