Already got asked if we're dating
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i've created a new STD.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
