Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
