I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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