If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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