The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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