don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
