i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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