NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want to be your penis for a week.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
