just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
