GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
