i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
