arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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