Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
