Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My feet surprised me
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