my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
