Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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