So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
