Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
