why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
