carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
