my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My pussy is not your playground.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
