Im at strip club and am horny
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
