Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
