Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
