A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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