Texts From Last Night

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  (585): View more from New York

  she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over

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  (585): she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over http://tfl.nu/tk3t
  Replies (13) Good night (9900) Bad night (1076)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

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  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (2264) Bad night (4963)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.

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  (661): I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head. http://tfl.nu/035n
  Replies (6) Good night (2569) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B

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  (646): Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B http://tfl.nu/w0hg
  Replies (12) Good night (2945) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me

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  (903): So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me http://tfl.nu/8jt8
  Replies (7) Good night (1129) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.

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  (914): Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why. http://tfl.nu/2wlq
  Replies (4) Good night (1091) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech

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  (603): Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech http://tfl.nu/2ee5
  Replies (3) Good night (1098) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat

  (1-631): View more from New York

  SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.

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  (631): She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat (1-631): SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT. http://tfl.nu/se9g
  Replies (5) Good night (1314) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.

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  (954): I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days. http://tfl.nu/jvfc
  Replies (1) Good night (929) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building

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  (586): Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building http://tfl.nu/p9dh
  Replies (4) Good night (1129) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.

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  (805): Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother. http://tfl.nu/ewkc
  Replies (4) Good night (1044) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  Did someone catch you and fuck you?

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  (828): I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes. (1-828): Did someone catch you and fuck you? http://tfl.nu/onw1
  Replies (1) Good night (1059) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.

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  (812): Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers. http://tfl.nu/ldne
  Replies (2) Good night (782) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint

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  (503): U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint http://tfl.nu/psor
  Replies (0) Good night (906) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.

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  (925): Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy. http://tfl.nu/3c9o
  Replies (1) Good night (554) Bad night (166)

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