oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.