I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother