i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.