I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
