Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.