she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho