He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
