Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
