Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
