Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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