my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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