My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
