i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
