Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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