I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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