I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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