You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
