Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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