I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
