So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
