Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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