she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
