We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
