I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
