i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We need to get me chipped asap
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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