I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
