Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
