Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
