i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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