so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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