I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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