i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
