NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize