i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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