she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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