I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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