i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
two words: eviction party
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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