There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we're making bets on your personal life
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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