areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
