i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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