I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Pooping to opera.
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