he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
