my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
