I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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