It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
