i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
