i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The best revenge is premature balding
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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